Have you ever noticed how little there is you can control in life? How many times during your day, do you experience frustration, but if you think about it, your irritation is futile, because it’s often tied to other factors you cannot influence directly, such as the action of others, natural events, or the course of the future.
There are a couple of issues on the Voyager of the Seas, and I see posts and hear complaints from travellers who are bothered by them, like the choppy internet, the lack of hot water, slow service etc. Perhaps it’s because I am not experiencing any lack of these amenities that I am not more engaged, or perhaps its because I’m not engaging that I am not experiencing the lack?
In any event, I long understood that many situations involve factors beyond my personal sphere of control and while I may feel affected by these, I rarely have the power to alter them. This is particularly true for end of life, but even every day occurrences like the weather, political decisions or economic trends. Having adopted a mindset of acceptance thankfully, helped me attract greater peace of mind, and focus on things I enjoy.
Here’s a little experiment you can perform today. Count the number of times you feel irritated by something today and take a minute to assess whether it is caused by something out of your control or caused by some of your own inaction that you can course correct to eliminate the problem.
A significant part of our concern comes from the mind’s tendency to ruminate on “what-ifs”, or assuming we know what the others are thinking, and imagining worse case scenarios. These thoughts may give an illusion of control but often lead to unnecessary stress over things we can’t change.
Having control is being able to focus on what is within our power, such as:
- our reactions and mindset,
- our choices and behaviours
- how we manage our time and energy
For example: the garage is messy and you can’t get to the decorations you stored on the back shelf? You feel frustrated and tell yourself “nothing in this house is ever easy!!” That is in your control.
- Take a deep breath and reprogram that thought. This is something you can control.
- You can start putting order in your garage and improve your situation.
- Don’t have time to do it now? Decide when it will get done.
- But you wanted to hang the wreath on the door today before company came? Then you have a choice – get a new wreath, or accept that it will not be done today.
By distinguishing between what we can influence and what we cannot, we can direct our efforts more effectively and cultivate peace of mind.
God, grant me the serenity
In June 1941, this prayer was published in an obituary in the New York Herald Tribune
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
and from there became known by the first Alcoholics Anonymous group
as the Serenity Prayer.
. YWCA Officer Winnifred Wygal first published the praye, orginally composed by Reverend Rheinhold Niebuhr in the March 1933 edition of YWCA periodical The Woman’s Press,
Another thing you can’t control is how other people think, behave or react. For example, trying to change someone else’s options or choices will only lead to frustration because their decisions are theirs to make. They may feel like expressing their concerns is the only way they will get someone to fix the problem.
I often struggled with knowing when to accept a situation and when to let it go. It really comes down to a matter of wisdom, self awareness and perspective.
If a situation is beyond your ability to influence, such as the weather, someone’s feelings, or an event from the past – it’s often best to let it go. There is nothing we can do to change the outcome and dwelling on what you cannot change wastes energy and creates unnecessary stress.
Ask yourself: “Can I realistically do anything to change this?” OR “Is this really my problem to solve?” if the answer is no, it’s best to move on.
I have experienced moments in my life when holding on to resentment, fear or a unsettled conversation was draining my emotional, mental and physical state and I was not getting a real benefit by holding on to it. A thought, or situation may be robbing you of peace of mind. In my case, holding on to it, was taking me further and further away from what I really wanted in my life – which is always, peace, happiness, joy.
Ask yourself: “Is this worth the stress and effort it’s causing?” OR “Is it worth my inner peace?” Letting go will free up energy for things that truly matter and will help you regain balance. Peace is more valuable than being right or winning.
Hanging on to old habits, relationships or beliefs will prevent you from moving forward. I have devoted workshops and an entire chapter in my upcoming book Putting Your Passion to Purpose on core beliefs that do not serve you, and that need to be released.
Ask yourself: “Is this keeping me stuck or stopping me from evolving, or pursuing my dream?” Letting go of these opens up space for personal growth and new opportunities.
Acceptance has brought me clarity. It did not happen overnight, but gradually, as I let some things go, it allowed me to see more clearly what was coming into my life. I began connecting the dots – the more I accepted, and let go of what I could not control, the greater were the blessings in my life. Funny how that works.
When I accepted situations, I made more thoughtful decisions about what to do next, instead of responding with frustration or denial. I felt grateful to no longer have to hang on to feelings and emotions that only made me feel sad, anguished and negative.
The Practice of Letting Go
Letting go, doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a process. Start by acknowledging your emotions, reframing your perspective and focusing on what you can control. Over time, acceptance becomes liberation, and helps you live with greater peace and freedom.
