Personal transformation rarely happens through one big moment. For many, it comes after experiencing a difficult life moments but for others it will manifest through small shifts. In both cases, you come away with:
A different way of thinking.
A gentler way of treating yourself.
A new awareness about what truly matters.
When I hit pause on my life, I didn’t redesign my life overnight. I didn’t wake up one morning suddenly healed, motivated, inspired, and ready to conquer the world again. Plus, I had just been through major upheaval, and more changes were not going to help.
What happened instead was quieter than that.
First I noticed the things that were out of alignment. And once I noticed them, I couldn’t unsee them.
After more than 20 months living in auto-pilot mode, I felt deep relief to discover what was truly holding me back. Those who lost a partner will understand that just because you grieved their passing, you still have to grieve the life that came with them. And that is what I had not completed.
Attached to my late husband of 38 years was my life! A great life that I loved deeply and suddenly missed in ways I hadn’t fully understood!
A life filled with laughter and companionship.
A partner for all my bright ideas.
My travel buddy.
My 3 p.m. cocktail companion.
My sounding board.
My biggest encourager.
The person whose eyes lit up when I dreamed out loud!
All that disappeared with him. It had been a huge part of my life since I was a young 22 year-old looking to make my mark in this great big world.
And there I was, now aged 60, at the other end of that dream— having seen some of that world, and experienced highs and lows of life, standing on shaky ground, trying to figure out what the next 25 years of my life were supposed to look like – telling myself I had it under control.
The clarity hurt. But strangely, it also brought relief.
Because once I understood the source of the pain, and the misalignment, I stopped wondering why I felt stuck and stopped expecting myself to “bounce back” from a loss that had changed every part of my identity.
Awareness became the first shift.
One morning, I felt lighter, had more clarity and realized I could still have a life, and I should just step forward and see what that could be. It felt kind of exciting..the first time I felt it in months.
What made the difference was acceptance.
Accepting I did not have a plan and I didn’t have all the answers. I did not know what came next.
But what really brought a desire to live again, was developing genuine self-love… and accepting who I was, on my own terms.
I had just written a guidebook on self-acceptance and I applied some of its strategies. Like challenging my negative self-beliefs, and my motivations that were largely influenced by expectations of others. As confident as I was, or portrayed myself to be, there were many insecurities actively holding me back now that I was on my own.
I did the work, reminding myself of my past accomplishments, and things I was good at and made lists of what I could still do. I thought about what activities, moments and situations brought me joy. I acknowledged my limitations and what I could do about them — change them, or accept them.
I began feeling liberated from all the negative narratives I had allowed myself to carry, and began feeling very comfortable with who I was, strengths and weaknesses.
You can have an honest dialogue with yourself, when you accept who you are. I remembered how it had been important for me that my book about Mastering Self-Acceptance was not only about discovering who you were, but more importantly celebrating who you were and falling in love with yourself!
That is what took me out of my pain – genuine self-love and acceptance. I had to fall in love with myself again – quirks, flaws and all!
Now, I could make small adjustments and those small shifts started creating something powerful and exciting.
One thought at a time.
One choice at a time.
One small act of self-kindness at a time.
We often underestimate the power of tiny changes because they don’t feel dramatic enough. But small shifts change direction.
And direction changes everything.
A small shift in perspective can restore hope.
A small shift in routine can restore energy.
A small shift in self-talk can restore confidence.
A small shift in boundaries can restore peace.
You don’t need to rebuild your entire life in one weekend. You make tiny changes, starting with loving yourself. That’s like feeling warm sunshine on your face.
